Wednesday, 13 April 2011

I want.

There's times I feel as though there is more to life. But what exactly do I have to complain about? I have a job I love. I have a wonderful family. A couple dollars to line my pockets and I'm not plagued by abuse or dependency. Yet I sit here and feel like there's something waiting for me. Bigger. Better. Fabulous. What am I using as the template for happiness? Have I hoodwinked my mind so much to think these things are possible? Or perhaps even that they are not?

Some one said something to me not long ago, in hindsight I wish they never did. Somethings are better left unsaid. Yet when I heard it, I soared. How is this possible? How can something that feels so good to hear, later make you wish you were in a different time and space? You can't tell a girl like me things like that. I have a rather capacious imagination. I take it and run. The end result is yearning for more which unfortunately does not bode well for my well being.

I feel change coming on. A storm is a brewin'. I feel it in my core and its in the forefront of my mind. I've reached in a few times to take what belongs to me but was never successful in maintaining the adjustments it brought about. Fear took hold too soon. I wasn't over the hump. Was I busy being strong for everyone else that I forgot about me and what I wanted?

I want love. True. Authentic. Delirious. I want it to come in and roll over me. The kind of love that makes you levitate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm not loved. I am in more ways than one. I am loved as the Mother of some one's Children. I am loved as a best friend. I am loved when I do a good job. I am loved when the power goes out and little hands need to be held tight.

I want to feel it again. I want him to take my face in his hands and bury his kiss on my lips like he's not letting go. I want the world to disappear like it did before. Before responsibilities and babies. Before coin operated laundry and part time jobs. I want to feel it chasing my heart. I want to have the desperate feeling when we're apart. Drown in love and a pool of sexuality that no one else can infiltrate. Whisper in my ear 'I love you, baby' in a voice so low it cuts my thoughts full stop. I want desire so thick its makes my vision blurred and my feet feel like air. I want to see you again my love. I want to taste the salt on your lips and feel the wave of passion come over you. Transfer your body to mine and light me on fire. Love. I want it back.

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